Friday
a day of grey clouds, and rest. I look out on about five feet of snow, and eight foot drifts. You have to look up into the clouds, and pine high boughs , not the depth of snow.
Yesterday I took a hike along the river track, hard to walk, should have had my snowshoes and a ski pole. I simply needed to see the mountains but they were not visible. I felt that nothing was going to make me happy. I had worked two night shifts in a row.
My cell phone buzzed and I decided not to ignore it. Maybe it was a clue to the day. DON'T THiNK BIG IDEAS, NOR STRESS, BE OPEN TO SEEING I had read on someone's facebook page. I am such a believer in these mysterious clues which come my way each day, only I think I hardly see them .
I answered, talked for a length of my hike. I almost fell several times, as the snow was too deep really. I hung up. Another call came and I picked up. Why when I needed quiet and to be alone . I never say no to someone in desperate places. Someone I had worked with last year was crying, she sounded drunk. I was so sad for her. I just listened to her. It is this North Country where horrible things happen and I didn't want that to be her fate. Her grandfather had hung himself in a barn in town long time ago. Not what she should do, oh no.
Talked again for a while. then reflected. These were friends in need, and I listened to them, in spite of my utter exhaustion. Did anything change for me? No.
I went home, however, in a different mood. After my walk, I had stopped in the local grocery store for a few items. There I saw my former chorus instructor and a singer chatting together. She looked radiant, and happy even smiled to me as if she knew me. He stared. I pondered on that man. He is almost the most gifted conductor ever I have worked under and a musician of rare talent, working and living in other countries with the most wonderful people. Here in this rural town, he is buying meat, and she - one of his protegees is roaming the store for an undecided item. I left before seeing what she bought.
Today, I tried to focus, but didn't manage to very well. I thought about a friend who also is a musician far away- and I dont even know where- and I don't need to know where, then I worked on writing, worked on Bach's 2nd prelude, then called it quits..
bed early. 9 pm. I will write all day tomorrow.
Yesterday I took a hike along the river track, hard to walk, should have had my snowshoes and a ski pole. I simply needed to see the mountains but they were not visible. I felt that nothing was going to make me happy. I had worked two night shifts in a row.
My cell phone buzzed and I decided not to ignore it. Maybe it was a clue to the day. DON'T THiNK BIG IDEAS, NOR STRESS, BE OPEN TO SEEING I had read on someone's facebook page. I am such a believer in these mysterious clues which come my way each day, only I think I hardly see them .
I answered, talked for a length of my hike. I almost fell several times, as the snow was too deep really. I hung up. Another call came and I picked up. Why when I needed quiet and to be alone . I never say no to someone in desperate places. Someone I had worked with last year was crying, she sounded drunk. I was so sad for her. I just listened to her. It is this North Country where horrible things happen and I didn't want that to be her fate. Her grandfather had hung himself in a barn in town long time ago. Not what she should do, oh no.
Talked again for a while. then reflected. These were friends in need, and I listened to them, in spite of my utter exhaustion. Did anything change for me? No.
I went home, however, in a different mood. After my walk, I had stopped in the local grocery store for a few items. There I saw my former chorus instructor and a singer chatting together. She looked radiant, and happy even smiled to me as if she knew me. He stared. I pondered on that man. He is almost the most gifted conductor ever I have worked under and a musician of rare talent, working and living in other countries with the most wonderful people. Here in this rural town, he is buying meat, and she - one of his protegees is roaming the store for an undecided item. I left before seeing what she bought.
Today, I tried to focus, but didn't manage to very well. I thought about a friend who also is a musician far away- and I dont even know where- and I don't need to know where, then I worked on writing, worked on Bach's 2nd prelude, then called it quits..
bed early. 9 pm. I will write all day tomorrow.